Peggy is truly the public speaker in the family, even though she is the most introverted. Her leadership positions have necessitated planned speeches in large public settings, extemporaneous remarks at dinners, and many toasts. She has all the experience and none of the will when it comes to offering reflections or making toasts at family events. Peggy generally puts me forward by taking two steps back. 

Such has been my path to becoming the family toastmaster.

Peggy introduced me at the rehearsal dinner following her gracious welcome to our 90 guests. She explained that ALS had taken my ability to speak, but it had not taken my voice. What they were about to hear was indeed my voice which I had banked a year and a half ago. As for the content,  I had prepared that earlier using eye gaze technology, essentially typing with my eyes.

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Greetings to all of you from the Plews-Ogan family. What a festive gathering. A million thanks to Moresh and Vaydahee. Can we give them a huge round of applause for all the weeks and months of hard work it took to make this grand wedding weekend happen?

I trust you have had a chance to take in all of the beautiful plantings and the blooming flowers, and this tent, and the catering. Every last detail has been arranged by our Peggy. Let’s raise our glasses for a toast… To Peggy!

The marriage of Monika and William brings together two families who are full of love, each family opening their arms to embrace a new son or daughter. This is a very happy occasion. Tonight we have the rare opportunity to get to know one another. There are ninety fascinating and gregarious people here tonight. We invite you to introduce yourself to someone new and strike up a conversation. There are name tags on the tables to get started.

And now a few words about the happy couple. I would like to add my endorsement of their decision to get married. After many announcements of impending announcements, we had a well-planned surprise party. Thank you, Shalaka. I do think they are a perfect match. Monika is organized and the planner so she can plan all their vacation travel. And William is the guy you want by your side in the midst of a crisis. So he can kill all the bugs that make Monika shriek, or jump on to the nearest chair. 

Seriously, they both work hard and they also know how to enjoy life with each other. They love food and they cook together. I know this because they called one Friday night about the banana bread they were making for a potluck dinner with friends in an hour. Why banana bread because all they had was bananas. Solid plan. But the reason for the call was a question. Were the eggs really truly necessary because they didn’t have any eggs. Yes we said. Go buy the eggs. So cute, right? 

These two work hard and they also know how to enjoy life together. They love an adventure. I know this because Monika was here with us for her first real snow storm. She quickly perfected catching snowflakes on her tongue while simultaneously documenting it on her iPhone. She also helped to shovel the driveway which I bet was another first. The best part was trudging through the snow at night to go sledding on the big hill behind William’s elementary school. When Monika sat down on the sled at the top of the hill she began to have second thoughts. I ignored her and with one swift push she was on her way, speeding and screaming down the hill just like every other first timer. The good news is that she ran up the hill pulling the sled and she and William took the hill, riding double a bunch of times. So romantic. Like a rom com. Right.

As you can tell we love these two very much. You know Monika entered our family just as I was diagnosed with ALS. She could have gracefully stayed on the periphery. Instead she chose to step up and step in. William travels to Charlottesville often to be with us and to help care for me. Monika has been with us as much as she can. We never had any question that Monika would fit in to our family. Like William she knows how important it is to be there, to show up. 

William and Monika, look out at this crowd. We are your family and we love you both more than words in any language can adequately describe. Everyone raise your glasses for a toast. To William and Monika! 

And now I would like to offer a blessing for our meal. Please pray with me. Holy God of all eternity and season, bless this auspicious occasion with your peace and let us be ever grateful for your creation and its bounty. In all the Holy names of God, we pray. Amen. 

The wedding toasts and speeches came before dinner and were intermingled with dances, some highly choreographed Bollywood style showstoppers, and others more intimate mother-son or ‘parents of the groom’ tearjerkers. Yes, I can dance in a wheelchair, especially when it’s our song.

Peggy spoke ahead of me and brought down the house. As only a mother can do, she introduced the theme of William’s broad shoulders with a humorous account of giving birth to the shoulders. (Not so humorous at the time.) As only Peggy can do, she closed her remarks with a memorable motherly reminder. 

“Trust the power of your patronus.” And then she handed them a handmade magic wand.

I thought about my two toasts long and hard. I knew that I wanted to communicate too many profound thoughts and feelings, and in many ways it was an impossible task. But now that I am unable to express myself with ease nor spontaneity, I felt an unusual urgency to share some deeper thoughts with the humorous stories. I needed William and Monika to hear me proclaim my love and respect for them. And like a good father, I wanted to be sure they felt known, and would be forever supported on the foundation of two strong and loving families. 

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I am so full of joy and gratitude to be here with you all tonight. We are here to celebrate this auspicious occasion of the Marriage of William and Monika. 

This my first three-day wedding. We have had food, dancing, flowers, fire, sanskrit prayer, more food, more dancing. For God’s sake, William rode on a white horse named Patricia. Lest we forget there is a new outfit for every occasion. And did I mention the food?!

Mostly we are having a three-day love fest. Generation upon generation of love brought forth to today here and now. Hugs and smiles. So many smiles our faces ache. And dancing. And have I mentioned the food?! We are celebrating two wonderful, genuine, authentic young people who have old souls. (I then shared the banana bread story again, reflecting on William and Monika’s love of cooking.)

When I was diagnosed with ALS two and a half years ago, William was with us for every step of the journey. I mean, he was physically present in the room supporting us. When we got home and were sitting on the couch stunned and trying to figure out what to do next, William broke the silence. William took a breath, sat up and said, “Well, our family has always been high energy. Now it’s time to get turbocharged.” And that is precisely what we have done.

You know Monika entered our family just as I was diagnosed with ALS. She could have gracefully stayed on the periphery. Instead she chose to step up and step in. William travels to Charlottesville often to be with us and to help care for me. Monika has been with us as much as she can. We never had any question that Monika would fit in to our family. Like William, she knows how important it is to be there, to show up. 

Turbocharged living means taking on life with as much gusto as we can muster. Not a completely new concept for this crowd. Humor, kindness, hopefulness, resilience, altruism, all with a bit more intention and energy. Much like riding a white horse festooned like a prince or performing choreographed dancers with your best friends in the grand tradition of Bollywood.

I imagine every parent wishes for their children to find someone with whom they share and enjoy life. Someone who matches their capacity for love and forgiveness. Someone with the virtues to create a wise and deeply meaningful life. They know better than anyone that they are a synergistic match. 

Their love is a beacon of hope for me and I dare say our world. I am at peace with their marriage.. And I love them more than words in any language can adequately describe. Please raise your glasses for a toast. To William and Monika, may you have a long and fruitful life together punctuated by peace, passion, and wonderful, wonderful food.